[Verse 1] At night I toss and turn
I break out in a sweat
Am I wearing too many clothes?
Is it the menopause yet?

[Verse 2] Sometimes at work I’m hot and flushed
My colleagues see me burning up
Downstairs I feel kinda dry
Don’t be the menopause
I’m not ready to die!

[Chorus A] Google, tell me what to do
Google, I’m relying on you

[Verse 3] I put a teabag in my cereal bowl
I put an iron in my washing machine
My brain is addled, I can’t think straight
Is this what the menopause means?

[Verse 4] Sometimes I laugh and do a little wee
I should probably stock up now on Tena Lady
Downstairs I’m feeling really dry
Don’t be the menopause
I’m not ready to die!

[Chorus B] NHS Direct, have you solved my problem yet?
NHS Direct, tell me what to expect

[Keyboard solo]

[Verse 5] Doctor, doctor, please give me your thoughts
Doctor, doctor, I hope it’s not the menopause
Doctor, doctor, she gave me the cause
Doctor, doctor says it’s only perimenopause

[Chorus C] Thank god x 8
For perimenopause